Book Worm Droppings

The term Book Worm Droppings was first patented by Sean Tyas in his collections Book Worm Droppings and More Book Worm Droppings. Tyas collected together amusing sayings from customers - in his bookshop and others - which gave a flavour of the stranger requests that all booksellers encounter from time to time.

Sadly Tyas's books are now out of print (although easily available on line), but  we have gathered together on these pages some of the best sayings from his books, together with some of the most memorable things said in Aardvark Books over the last 10 years. All booksellers love their customers, and at Aardvark we are particularly lucky to have a fantastic group of bookbuyers, but there are the odd days when one is forced to reconsider one's life choices.

' I haven't bought a book, but I did use your lavatory' - said with a pleased smile by an Aardvark customer (June 2013)

'How does it work, do you have to join ?' - Robert Humm, Stamford

'It must be lovely to sit here all day doing nothing.' - Kent Books, Framlingham

'I'm ever so sorry, I must owe you a lot of money', Bookseller ' Really why's that ?' 'Well I've had them out so long, the fines must be huge by now ...' - Sean Tyas

'Oh that's a nice old map. Do you know who the choreographer was ?' - Louis Leopold, March

'Do you have a first edition Shakespeare ? I was offered a first in Melbourne , but this is nearer to where he was born isn't it ?' - M & R Glendale, London

'This is the book that ruined my life', greeted with nervous laughter by Arthur Aardvark. ' No I mean it! Because of this book, my mother never held me'. Followed by retreat of chastened bookseller.

'Have you got any books on bomb-making? It's my son's school project.' - The Bookshop, Belfast

'Oh, do you not sell fish?' - Border Bookshop, Todmorden

'I only read books about wild animals and nuns -they're so restful.' - The Cavern, Haslemere

'Is it OK to get a haircut here ?' - Blitzgeist Bookshop, Birmingham

'I realise that you specialise in music, but I wonder, do you have any book on motorcycles ?' - Travis & Emery

'Have you got a copy of New Australian Tunnelling Methods ?' Bookseller, 'No I don't think so at the moment sir.'

'Well what about Swedish Blasting Techniques then ? - Foyles London

'Oh I was looking for the Council Office. I want to report a death.' - Books Etc Stamford

'I was here last year and you had a book on that shelf down there. Have you moved it ?' - The Bookshop Blakeney

'How many books are there in Olivia Manning's Levant Trilogy ?' - Leicester University Bookshop

'Why don't you do lunches?' (said by a customer in 2008 before the opening of the Aardvark Café ). 'If you did lunches we could read the books whilst we ate and we wouldn't have to buy them'.

'Where is your Latvian Department please ?' Bookseller ' I'm sorry we don't have one' 'Well, where in Stratford can I buy books in Latvian then ?' -  Robert Vaughan, Stratford upon Avon

'Have you got Anne of Clark Gables ?' - The Belfast Bookshop

'It's by that woman with a funny name ... ' - Jeroby Books, Oadby

'We must go now or we'll end up buying something' - Aardvark Customer February 2014

'We haven't come prepared to buy a book today, but we'll come back another day when we're passing'                         - Aardvark Customer October 2014

 One wonders what preparations are necessary ? Does one need to wear a special hat or clothing ?

'We've come out to look round your shop today, but I am afraid we haven't brought any money'.'Yes we have dear,'  husband trying to be helpful and not realising the game, 'I've got £10 in my back pocket'. Shortly followed by said husband being given a glance that would turn a man to stone. April 2015

'I'm really surprised that you're still here' - A greeting from a sweet talking customer who spent an hour wandering round the shop, before leaving with a promise to bring some ancient sociology manuals which he was convinced would enhance the shop's stock   October 2016


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